Three Things to Know Before Dating an Addict

Understanding Addiction in Relationships

When considering entering a relationship with a person struggling with addiction, it's crucial to understand the impact that addiction can have on a relationship. Here are the top three things to know before dating an addict.

Impact of Addiction on Relationships

One of the primary ways addiction can impact a relationship is by leading to the neglect of responsibilities or the needs of a significant other. This can result in feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal, as the person struggling with addiction may prioritize their substance use over their relationship or other important aspects of their life.

Additionally, drug addiction can lead to lost trust in a relationship due to secretive behavior, lying, and stealing from a loved one to support the addiction. As a result, couples in which a partner abuses drugs or alcohol are often more unhappy than couples who don't have problems with alcohol or other drugs but seek help for marital problems. As substance use worsens, it can create emotional distance between partners, leading to increased fighting and arguing, sometimes escalating to violence.

Signs of Harm in Relationships

In relationships where addiction is present, harmful behaviors such as enabling and codependency can also emerge. Enabling behaviors contribute to the continuation of drug addiction and can include giving money for drugs, making excuses for the addicted person, or worrying excessively about their well-being. These behaviors can harm not only the person struggling with addiction but also the people who care about them [1].

Codependency, often seen in relationships affected by addiction, is a relationship pattern where a person becomes overly focused on the needs and problems of others, often to the detriment of their own well-being. This behavior can have negative impacts on the health and well-being of family members affected by addiction.

Understanding these impacts and signs of harm can be a crucial first step in navigating a relationship with a person struggling with addiction. In the next sections, we will discuss how to establish boundaries in recovery and tackle challenges in relationships with addicts.

Establishing Boundaries in Recovery

One essential element of recovery is establishing various types of boundaries. These can be seen as guidelines or rules that individuals establish to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave towards them, and how they will respond when someone passes those limits. They are crucial for achieving lasting recovery, promoting self-discovery, and allowing individuals to become confident in their values and personal limits over time.

Types of Boundaries in Recovery

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are essential for establishing limits and communicating them to others. This could involve asking loved ones not to touch certain items or removing triggers like alcohol from your home to feel safe. Maintaining healthy physical boundaries in relationships requires effective communication.

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from others, recognizing your emotional energy capacity, and limiting sharing with those who respond poorly. It's important to communicate feelings and distance yourself from individuals who manipulate feelings of guilt or shame from your past.

Time Boundaries

Time boundaries involve prioritizing activities that support your sobriety, which may mean saying "no" to commitments that could jeopardize your recovery. Maintaining a schedule, attending support meetings, and creating leisure time are essential for managing your time effectively in early sobriety.

Internal Boundaries

Internal boundaries are self-imposed limits based on your values, morals, and self-discipline, guiding you to avoid behaviors that contradict your principles. Establishing internal boundaries may involve taking accountability for your actions, respecting personal limits, and practicing empathy and self-awareness in interactions and reactions.

Importance of Boundaries

Establishing and protecting boundaries is crucial for overall well-being in recovery. People struggling with addiction often lack a solid understanding of boundaries due to their upbringing or past relationships [4].

Boundaries can be categorized into external and internal types. External boundaries separate individuals from others, dictating what is acceptable in relationships. Internal boundaries regulate the relationship with oneself, enabling self-discipline and effective self-regulation.

After battling addiction, rebuilding a healthy relationship with oneself involves setting internal boundaries, such as committing to sobriety and practicing self-care. This process of establishing boundaries fosters self-confidence and self-love, contributing to the recovery journey.

While some may fear that boundaries restrict freedom, they actually guide behavior and promote healthy relationships. Establishing boundaries requires time and practice but ultimately leads to a more fulfilling life [4].

Challenges in Relationships with Addicts

Engaging in a relationship with a person struggling with addiction presents its unique set of challenges. These can range from trust issues, communication struggles, to differing sobriety goals. In this section, we will delve into these challenges in detail.

Rebuilding Trust

Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. However, one of the most common challenges couples face during substance use recovery is trust. Addiction can damage trust between partners, making it difficult to rebuild trust after instances of lying, stealing, or cheating. It is essential to understand that addiction is a disease that can cause individuals to act out of character [5].

Drug addiction can lead to lost trust in a relationship due to secretive behavior, lying, and stealing from a loved one to support the addiction. The recovery process involves rebuilding this trust, which often takes time and patience.

Communication Struggles

Effective communication is key to the success of any relationship. However, addiction can hinder effective communication, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Communication difficulties are another common challenge couples face during substance use recovery.

Couples in which a partner abuses drugs or alcohol are often more unhappy than couples who don't have problems with alcohol or other drugs, but who seek help for marital problems. As drinking or drug use worsens, it creates emotional distance between partners, leading to increased fighting and arguing, sometimes escalating to violence.

Seeking counseling or therapy can help improve communication skills between partners.

Differing Sobriety Goals

When it comes to recovery, couples may have diverse goals for sobriety. One partner may opt for complete sobriety while the other might be comfortable with occasional drug or alcohol use. This discrepancy in sobriety goals can be challenging to navigate, highlighting the importance of open and honest discussions to align goals and respect each other's wishes.

Understanding these challenges in relationships with addicts is key to fostering a supportive environment for recovery. It requires patience, understanding, and commitment to work through these challenges and create a healthy and supportive relationship.

Financial Strain and Addiction

One of the key areas where the impact of addiction becomes evident in a relationship is finances. It is important to be aware of this when considering dating an addict.

Impact on Finances

Addiction can lead to significant financial issues within a relationship. Individuals struggling with addiction may end up spending substantial amounts of their resources on substances, leaving little for essential expenses such as rent, utilities, and food. This financial strain can affect the dynamics of the relationship, leading to stress, arguments, and even breakups. Additionally, the addicted individual may neglect responsibilities or the needs of their significant other, leading to feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal.

Moreover, enabling behaviors in codependent relationships contribute to the continuation of drug addiction. These behaviors may include giving money for drugs, making excuses for the addicted person, and worrying excessively about their well-being. Such behaviors not only contribute to the financial strain but also have negative impacts on the health and well-being of family members affected by addiction [1].

Seeking Financial Counseling

Given the heavy toll addiction can take on a couple's finances, it is crucial to seek professional help when needed. Financial counseling or consulting with a financial planner can be a helpful step in such situations. These professionals can assist in developing a budget, managing debts, and planning for a more stable financial future. They can also provide guidance on how to separate finances or set up boundaries to prevent the continuation of enabling behaviors. This move can be a significant step towards improving financial stability and reducing the stress and tension caused by financial issues within the relationship.

Understanding the potential financial implications and seeking appropriate help are key factors to consider when dating an individual struggling with addiction. It's essential to navigate these challenges with care, compassion, and professional support.

Behavioral Addiction vs. Substance Addiction

When discussing addiction, it is crucial to understand the distinction between behavioral addiction and substance addiction. Both types can profoundly impact a person's life, and therefore, it's essential to understand these nuances when dating someone battling addiction.

Behavioral Addiction Overview

Behavioral addiction refers to when an individual becomes addicted to a particular behavior or action's feeling, rather than a substance. Examples of behavioral addiction may include compulsive shopping, pathological gambling, and excessive internet use. Unlike substance addiction, behavioral addiction does not present physical signs of addiction, making it more challenging to identify [6].

However, individuals with behavioral addiction show symptoms and consequences similar to those of alcohol and drug addiction and other obsessive behaviors. These symptoms can include excessive behavior, psychological and physical withdrawal symptoms, loss of control, and the development of tolerance, indicative of an addictive potential in behaviors inducing reward effects through biochemical processes [6].

Similarities to Substance Addiction

Despite the differences, behavioral addiction shares many similarities with substance-related addiction. Both types of addiction can lead to specific reward effects through biochemical processes in the body, leading to addiction-specific phenomena like craving and loss of control.

Behavioral addiction, like substance addiction, may also have precursors like psychopathologies (depression, substance dependence, social anxiety) and a lack of social support. This means individuals with behavioral addictions may suffer from symptoms similar to those with alcohol and drug addiction, as well as other obsessive behaviors.

Moreover, prevention efforts for behavioral addiction are comparable to those for substance abuse. Specialized training can educate adolescents about the warning signs of online addiction to enable early detection of this disorder. Authorities, cultural institutions, and parents should monitor internet use and educate adolescents and children about safe and appropriate internet usage to prevent behavioral addiction.

In conclusion, understanding the similarities and differences between behavioral addiction and substance addiction is one of the crucial steps to consider before dating an addict. This knowledge allows for a more compassionate and informed approach to helping a partner navigate the path of recovery.

Supporting a Partner in Recovery

Navigating through a relationship where a partner is in recovery from addiction can be a challenging but rewarding journey. This section will outline three crucial aspects of support: patience and understanding, creating a sober environment, and engaging in sober activities.

Patience and Understanding

Recovery from addiction is not a linear process. As highlighted by Banner Health, there will be many ups and downs, mood changes, and sudden outbursts. Progress may not happen in a predictable manner, and there will be good days and tough days throughout the recovery process. Hence, patience, stamina, and understanding are vital.

Understanding that recovery is a long-term process and being patient with the pace of recovery can greatly aid the recovery journey. Furthermore, establishing healthy boundaries and seeking support for oneself through groups or behavioral health specialists is crucial to maintaining wellness. These practices ensure that the supporting partner also maintains their emotional health and wellbeing, which is fundamental in providing effective support.

Creating a Sober Environment

Living in a sober space, free from alcohol or drugs, is extremely beneficial in early recovery. Even the sight of an empty bottle can trigger a relapse. People with substance use disorder are more likely to succeed if they reside in a sober environment, especially in the initial stages of recovery. This practice helps to reduce the risk of relapse and supports the ongoing recovery process.

Engaging in Sober Activities

Part of recovery involves learning to have a good time without the influence of drugs or alcohol. Engaging in sober activities can help create new associations in the mind that being together is enjoyable without the need for substances.

These activities can range from outdoor adventures, sports, arts and crafts, to simple things like cooking together or watching movies. The key is to find activities that both partners enjoy and can engage in together, fostering connection and shared experiences. This practice not only strengthens the relationship but also supports the individual in recovery by showing that life can be enjoyable without the need for substances.

Supporting a partner in recovery requires a combination of patience, understanding, and a commitment to creating a supportive and sober environment. By engaging in sober activities and establishing healthy boundaries, couples can work together towards maintaining sobriety and building a healthier relationship.

References

[1]: https://www.hcrcenters.com/blog/how-drug-addiction-affects-relationships/

‍[2]: https://www.aamft.org/ConsumerUpdates/SubstanceAbuseandIntimate_Relationships.aspx

‍[3]: https://bradfordhealth.com/4-types-of-boundaries-in-recovery/

‍[4]: https://www.ashleytreatment.org/rehab-blog/boundaries-in-recovery/

‍[5]: https://www.thegoodlifetreatment.com/blog/2022/july/challenges-couples-face-during-substance-use-rec/

‍[6]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3354400/